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October 31st, 2009

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June 30th, 2007

03:52 pm - hometowns so i went back to my hometown after almost a year...and as much as things changed, the true essense was the same. and i realized that my roots to my childhoods friends, and cities were much stronger than to the connections i had made after graduation. it was my oldest friends i saw and hung out with the most, and the old places and things we use to do that felt so comfortable. it showed me though that i need to let go of what was so familiar to me there, and to let go of the people i was trying to hold on to. most relationships can survive distance and time...few can sustain the depth though. but i also turned 21 during this trip, and realized how fresh and new my life feels, now that i can go to bars and casinos. it is true, now i really am an adult, but enevitable responsibility comes along with that. i guess in terms of things that really matter, the more they change, the more they really stay the same. Current Mood: thoughtful

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January 3rd, 2007

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December 29th, 2006

04:41 pm - here sarah... sarah said i needed to update, so here we go... six months ago i moved to a new city, in a new state. i moved in with my parents, and still live with them but crave to be on my own again. i work at macy's, attend community college and try to spend as much time in the sun as possible. everything is beautiful, i want to absorb it all. i live in a subdivision kind of, its a grid more like. on the highway it is 4 miles long, with 31 cross streets down to the ocean. #31 being right next to the highway, we live on 7th, so we are just a hop, skip and jump away from the ocean. the ocean breaks on a big cliff, that is how most of the coastline is on this side of the island, but its very dramatic and beautiful. my mom, dog and i take walks along this cliff/ocean often. the waves can be overpowering and scary sometimes because it is winter, and that is how nature reacts. the weather is bipolar here, every second it is different. there is a lot of moisture on my side of the island, but it only adds to the lush greenery. hawaiian culture is something to get use to. hawaiian food is really a mix of traditional, asian and american food. there are still so many things i haven't tried, even yet heard of, but its always fun to try new things. an average hawaiian doesn't favor the white man, middle american. they view white people as the destroyers of their land and culture, which they did, but they just have to realize that the white person that did all that wasn't me! that is what makes college so strange. hawaiians have a work for whites- haole. my teachers use this for reference, and as slang, it can be very uncomfortable. overall, everything is going smoothly. i'm meeting a wide variety of people; its hard to have the assumption that i will be able to replace people from home with people here, that is impossible, having social communication in any form is a perk. but no special love interest yet, its nice just to sit back and watch the eye candy go by though. daily i wish that time would just stop, and that i could sit in the sun and smell the flowers all day (wow how lame does that sound) but its true, i have been having realizations recently about how content i am with life. Current Mood: content

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May 28th, 2006

06:47 pm - its been a while its been a while....i'm moving. not like that means much on here, i will still have access to the internet, but it is something major oin my life. i'll be moving to hawaii into my parents new house. i wonder how strange it will be though, to live with my parents again though... it's not like i have really become a crazy partier though...well not true, was, but not now. so i don't think the whole freedom thing will be as big of an issue as it was about six months ago. people ask, are you excited, are you ready, what are you feeling? i'm feeling fine...because i'm kind of in denial about leaving. not because i don't want to, but because it doesnt really seem real. i'm packing up my life though, that is stressful and expensive...but i'm not ready to face leaving this place again, knowing i won't be returning... in humboldt, we have this race...i'm not even going to try to spell the name, but teams make these mechines, that usually resemble bikes, but are decorated and everything. the point is to build it so it can be driven through sand, water and up and down the hills in the county. its a three day race...and i went to watch some of it today. its really cool because there is a wide variety of people that partcipate. the whole point, is that the mobile has to be man operated, peddeled really...but it was fun to go watch it with some friends because we went down some roads i had never been down before, and the day was beautiful. i guess i better wrap this up...its so not interesting...well...the adventure will now continue from an island in the pacific! Current Mood: excited

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October 27th, 2005

04:50 pm - stolen car my friends car got stolen three days ago from outside her house, granted she lives on a cross road of California street (the worst street in eureka) but it was a total shock. they took it for the wheels. we found the car the next day, it was on the side of the road, 8 blocks away, jacked up on its spare and resting on another tire. it was a big ordeal, but her boyfriend put back on the same wheels that they stole in the first place! how real those dreams feel when your ex's want you back. it's raining here...usual humboldt weather. i talked to my sister who is in italy, how i wish i was there eating all the wonderful food, learning the language and going to chocolate festivals! Current Mood: peaceful

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September 20th, 2005

10:31 am - tired... school, ugh, but that is how it goes. i spent so much time out of school last year, that it is hard to get back into the motion of it this year...i have been missing hawaii a lot, and my parents of course, i really want to go visit. they have almost finished their house over there, i cant wait to see it. i would love to live in hawaii, but moving back in with the parentals...i dont think so. i will figure that out at some other point. i cant decide what kind of relationship i want right now...a sexual friendship, or possible serious loving one...hmmm... Current Mood: tired

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September 8th, 2005

04:39 pm - haunted i'm feeling haunted by my ex's these days...i ran across some pictures of the first guy who broke my heart, that was hard...it was so long ago, but werid memories came to mind...and well, now that my most recent ex is going to the same college as me (unplanned) i feel on edge whenever i am at school the same days he is. im just scared to fun into him...he has a new girlfriend, but she has directed him in the wrong path, so to speak. i saw him today, i was in a little room with no talking,a nd right as i looked out the window, there he was, walking by. i got shitty after that, emotions running a muck! its hard. there is someone i am trying to get out of my life, and someone i am desperatly trying to suck in...that is confusing and hard also. kristin, your driving test sounds very hardcore, do you have to learn to drive on ice also? Current Mood: tired

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August 30th, 2005

05:14 pm - kristin.... hello kristin my darling...how have things been. i'm sorry i'm so bad at writing on this journal, i wanted to tell you about another journal place though, its called myspace.com...check it out, my username is my address. i like to look at your journal though and think about the stuff you are doing.t hat is so funny you have jette for english, does she ever say anything about me? i dont think she knew we hung out though...man i cant believe you have started school, i feel like i just left. i started college this week. its very chill...nothing too major, it doesnt really feel like im in college, the work load is really small right now, english homework that is all. i really want you to come visit. if you ever come over...i will let you drive my car, it is automatic, well i have two cars, you can drive which ever you want! i taught my friend from switzerland how to drive like that. my sis and her boyfriend are in prague right now...they expereinced the poor part of the city, but then they took advantage of cheap food. you should try to text her sometime, she has my norsk phone, ha ha. i dont know what more to say, im seeing a guy right now...but i dont really know how into him i am, we are really really different...but there is this guy i work with that i have a lot of fun flirting with, he is from an island like one of the hawaiian ones, its hot. and guess what, there is a tall beautiful african man i work with also...ahh foad....miss him. ha ha :) how are things with ray ray? still trucking along? i hope that is all nice and good. i want to write more, but i just realized that everyone else is going to read this :) talk soon, love you and miss you tons doll, and dont forget, you're beautiful! Current Mood: happy Current Music: hawaiian

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August 9th, 2005

09:54 am - men! so all my friends are with a man, no joke. its hard, its harder than you think it would be. so i hooked up with one of my friends brothers....but this was kind of the wrong girl to do that to, she says that nothing is wrong, and she doesnt care, i mean she promoted it before it happened, but once it did, she got all...i dont know what to call it. she has control issues, and manipulating, and honestly, she is just no fun to be around. so it is hard, i cant hang out with him unless i hang out with her, and if im with her, she will think its just because of him, which is kind of true cuz its not fun hanging out with her! so my time is spent by myself a lot, and after all the alone time i had last year....all i kind of want is to be surrounded by my lifelong friends...but now they are attached at the hip with men, fuck men! i want school to start so i wont have to think so much of this retarded shit. Current Mood: tired

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July 6th, 2005

05:50 pm - foggy humboldt day i have been up for hours, the past two mornings, i have had to go to work at 5:30 in the morning. ahhh, it sucks so hard! mervyns, where i work, is having a hardcore sale, so i have had to go in and mark clothes on clearance, jeez! i get done with work in the afternoon, but once i get out, i have no one to hang with. well actually, not true, my friend and roommate nikki has been closing at mcdonalds this week, so we get to see each other for about two hours. my boyfriend is working two jobs....one right after the other, so i dont get to see him very often. this past monday was the fourth of july, woo hoo, lots of fire works, very cool. we also went to dennys for lunch, all american food! then brennan, marks friend took me to see war of the worlds while mark was at work, depressing movie, kinda lame, but action packed, but scary, it call end just like that...got really stoned that night, wow nelly. i guess its tradition though, smoking on the fourth, im glad i didnt get sick from it ( and drinking) like i did last year, oh dont want to think of last year, and the ex. relationships shouldnt be this hard, i dont think, they never seemed this hard. i guess mark is just so diffrent about relationships, his emotions and words, and feelings seem to change so much, its hard to keep up, and he hurts my feelings with a lot of things he says and does, its so hard, with people you love, telling them they hurt you. we went up to see the wallflowers in oregon earlier this week, or last week, i dont know, all my weeks blend together. i felt that was a relationship changing trip, we talked about a lot, and i told him to stop hurting my feelings with things he says to me. i really felt in love on that trip, i would have moved to santa cruz tomorrow, but a few days later, he seemed hesitent about me moving, what the hell! write soon kristin, i miss hearing from you....i need your advice little woman. Current Mood: rejected

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June 8th, 2005

12:58 am - oh wow well, i have been staying at my boyfriends house for the past few days, yes mark is my boyfriend. his parents are in maui right now...so the house is his!! he finally came home, i felt like it was taking forever, wow nelly is all i have to say. we went to this amazing art and music festival in benbow this past weekend, being around constant marijuana and not being able to smoke, really sucks ass though. but it was amazing to spend that time with him :) he had a girlfriend come up from santa cruz, she was really cool, i dont know, i guess they both liked each other at one point, but he made it very clear that he is into me now :) its kind of amazing to have him back in my life, and like this, its so great....so much more than what i would have thought. he had an affair with an older woman while he was down there, and brought back some of those moves here, kind of disturbing, if you really think about it, but i didnt know about that until we had slept together, and let me tell you,that first time was a very pleasent suprise, but so different than how we use to be together. enough about the horny details :) i have a job, did orientation today, four hours of signing papers and hearing basic info that you could guess. im nervous to start working on a cash register. nikki and i took our boyfriends to look at our new place today, to make sure we could all get along as happy couples. mark is picking out music right now before i give him a massage...wow i suck at giving massages, but im a loving girlfriend, so i will do it for him. right again soon, kristin, i hope you liked all that! sorry it has been so long since the last time i wrote...busy busy, in and out of bed, you know.... Current Mood: giddy

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June 1st, 2005

09:48 pm - late night man, is life really this hard, or is it just me, and my twisted head. yeah, im back from my exchange, and i was floating on cloud nine for a good week after i got home, but stress was haunting me...have to move out, have to clear out family home, have to find a house, which didnt seem so difficult but it is...have to tell a roommate and friend we dont like her enough to live with her...have to get a job! balance, balance balance. last night, this morning i found myself in bed with a stranger, no intercourse for the horn dogs out there, but in my mind, i was just thinking, what the hell am i doing here with you, i dont want you, i want someone else, he doesnt come home until friday though...dumbass, thats is how i feel. for the past year and a half, i have been trying to figure out a path i was going to take in the beginning of my adulthood, yeah, i know i cant fuck it up...but i want to be happy!! kristin i miss you doll, write soon, smile for me, and dont forget, you're beautiful! Current Mood: sad

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May 18th, 2005

07:26 pm - home... oh, home...just the thought. my room, my bed! my walls, my mommy, oh my god, and mexican food!! real, california style, luzmilias mexican food! i have been dreaming of it, almost being able to taste it. i dont really feel that i am going home though, i have known this life, this city, these people for so long. i cant beleive that next week i will be back to "my old life" but it really wont be that at all. its kind of scary, going back to it, but man, i need to remember who i am, and well..be happy! no offense kristin, i love you like nothing and i dont regret anything about our friendship, that is what kept me sane here. and of course the wonderful exchanges also, im not forgetting about you guys! Current Mood: giddy

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May 1st, 2005

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April 26th, 2005

05:41 pm - sick ya gotta love little kids. my little host sister has been sick for about a week and a half, kind of like a spring cold, or something. well this morning, i woke up totally tired and exhausted, and my throat was hurting, and now my nose is all runny! so, i think somehow i picked it up from nini during chinese checkers last night. it just sucks beause tomorrow i start my treck arcoss europe, and it always sucks travelling, but im also one of those people that always seems to get sick before travelling, probably stress related...im excited to get out of this country, but its always strange when you come back, because im always expecting to go home...to my real home...its kind of disapointing, but alright, that is how it has to be. my parents told me that when they move into their house in hawaii they are goign to have some of their hawaiian friends come out there to bless the house. we are not heavily religious people, i mean my mom is the only one to attends any kind of services but i think this is a hawaiian thing, soo..thats exciting. Current Mood: sick

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April 20th, 2005

06:41 pm - one week one week unitl my trip around europe beings, well it only begins with me travelling to olso to stay the night there, but its a start. we just had dinner, tomato soup with noodles aside pancakes. i told my host mom that pancakes were the all american breakfast, she translated that to my little host sister and she said i was lucky, ha ha so funny and cute. i dont think ill ever understand the meals here, but thats just part of being in another country, right. at least this family doesnt eat fish balls or fish cakes :) Current Mood: full

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April 19th, 2005

11:28 pm - can't sleep oh my jeezers, can't sleep! i dont want to take sleeping pills tonight but i might have to. i dont want to go to sleep because i dont want to wake up to this existance anymore, mellow dramatic i know, but life is dull. so make it better...yeah easier than it sounds. motivation is key for that to happen. i have been awaiting a reply for the long lost love....dont really know what to think, are we on, are we off...find out when i get home, so sick of saying that! the road cleaner has been by my house three times today, that is first time since i moved here i has been by. i got news about my ex the other night...i hate it when ex's start downplaying relationships and feelings that were "suppose to last forever" i guess im bitter right now. rejection kind of runs deep in this chick. those pills are looking pretty good right about now, night! Current Mood: gloomy

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April 18th, 2005

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